A terrilbe, horrible idea for a parody song

Some of you may know I'm a rather avid Left 4 Dead player. Of those, some.. OK, most of you, know tha I like to poorly sing things as we play. Some time ago, I had the idea of singing Stuck in The Middle With You by Stealers Wheel*. Or if you aren't that familiar with old rock music, it's the song they played in Reservoir Dogs when that guy was cutting up the cop.

Right now, a few of you are thinking "game remixes go over there" but this isn't a game remix! It's a parody of a non-game song that makes fun of a game.

Any way, I can do most of the lyrics, but sadly, my music and singing talents are... well, they are non-existent. So, I was wondering if anyone here can help out in the following ways:

1. Either remove the original vocal track from the song, find a version with no vocal track, or (and this one is asking a bit much, I think) redo the music from scratch. This way, we can have a clean version of the music for...

2. The vocalist. Yes, this requires someone who can sing close to the original voice and style. I'd love to magically fuck around with the original and just alter the vocal track to change some words around, but that seems magically undoable, or at least well beyond my current ability. Also, a lot of the lyric changes require that it be a new vocal track anyway.

3. This is entirely optional, but I think a video using Left 4 Dead footage (maybe Garry's Mod) to make screenshots to go with the music could result in some sort of awesome video. I'm sure that someone on Youtube would end up doing it anyway, but it would be nice to do it first. But I'd be happy just to get the music part done.

I have mostly worked out lyrics, but a few parts are still in progress. If anyone is interested, just reply! It's that easy.

*Interesting side note: the original song works out really well to the whole game in general. All the lyrics fit surprisingly well to what happens in-game, and with the surrounding humor of it. Don't believe me? Go check out the original lyrics and think about what the characters go through during their run for survival. It's not a perfect fit, but it is kind of funny

Well, as far as vocalists go, I'm not sure about the quality, but there are a lot of programs out thee like Vocaloid and stuff that can sing (supposedly. I haven't checked out ANY of the videos yet, because I'm not that masochistic, but supposedly they work good >_>) Not sure if it helps or not. I think those programs are very expensive, but there are other routes as well. I'd use those programs as a last ditch effort, as real people will always sound better than a computer.

Here's the first draft of the altered lyrics You can compare and try then out to this

Orange = original lyrics, left because they fit already, but wouldn't mind changing

Blue = new lyrics

Red = still have to work something out

Well I don't know why we came here tonight,

I got the feeling that something ain't right,

I'm just scared in case I set off the car,

And I'm wondering how we ever got this far,

Witches to the left of me,

Smokers to the right, here I am,

Stuck in the middle with Lou.

Yes I'm stuck in the middle with Lou,

And I'm wondering what it is I should do,

It's so hard to keep this horde in their place,

Losing control, rushing all over the place,

Boomers to the left of me, Smokers to the right,

Here I am, stuck in the middle with Lou.

Well you started out with nothing,

And you're proud that you're a self made man,

And your friends, they all come crawlin,

Slap you on the back and say,

Pills.... Pills....

Trying to get that one Standing Tall,

But I can see that they just want us to fall,

Is it cool to go solo on Death Toll,

'Cause I think that I can take on them all

Hunters to the left of me, Smokers to the right,

Here I am, stuck in the middle with Lou.

Well you started out with nothing,

And you're proud that you're a self made man,

And your friends, they all come crawlin,

Slap you on the back and say,

Pills.... Pills.....

Well I don't know why we came here tonight,

I got the feeling that something ain't right,

I'm just scared in case I set off the car,

And I'm wondering how we ever got this far,

Tanks to the left of me,

Smokers to the right, here I am,

Stuck in the middle with Lou,

Yes I'm stuck in the middle with Lou,

Stuck in the middle with Lou.

Here I am, stuck in the middle with Lou.

Rough, but mostly there. The red text needs to be changed, but I haven't been able to fit anything good in. Suggestions for it would be welcome.

I think one of the verses should just be

TANK TAAAANK TANK TANK TANK TTAAAANK...

TAAAAANK